I’m Sorry, I Miss You!!! (repost)

“When I leave, I wanna wait for the silence
You gave me all you’ve got,
and now I stand here waving to you
But still you smile, you’re looking back
Maybe I just wasn’t kind enough,
I’m fighting urges to fall again”

-Seven Black Roses by Chicosci-

I don’t care if he will read this. I can’t even sleep and eat right just thinking of him. I already miss him and I don’t know if he also misses me and I don’t care if he does or he doesn’t! My head is crackin’ up just thinkin’ of him. I keep on telling myself it’s not right because I’m in a relationship but I just can’t help it. Reality sucks!?! I know for him I’m just a friend, and I’m one of the boys, but hey I wanna tell you, I LIKE YOU!!! You’re so insensitive that you have to add my girl friends to your friendster account!!! It hurts but I cannot react… I hate you for being so nice to me and treating me special but that is the only thing you can offer. I hate my self for seeing your good points and appreciating them… Shit really happens!!! I always caught you staring at me and then you just smile it’s so unfair because you’re not giving me a chance to look or even just to glance at you. I don’t know if there is something when you look at me or it’s just me who see an angel staring at me. Last time we’re together feels like it was something unexplainable. I’m happy and contented with that moment. But the clock ticks its time and we need to say goodbye. I wave and you we’re still there smiling and waving goodbye. As I look back I see your pretty face still smiling at me. I hope it wasn’t the last time we’re going to see each other and not the last time I’m going to see your eyes smile at me again…

Hear this, I’m yours, I’m at your feet
Inside this heart you still remain…

ERRoristas went up the hill

Kung hindi man tayo hanggang dulo
Wag mong kalimutan
Nandito lang ako
Laging umaalalay
Di ako lalayo
Dahil ang tanging panalangin ko ay ikaw

-Kundiman, Silent Sanctuary-

Maugong ang sabi sabi na ako at si misty ay ililipat ng ibang team, ayokong lumisan sa piling ng mga errorista, sa piling ng ERR. Tulad ng sabi ko, pag ako umalis ng ERR, mawawala na ko sa Maersk. Totoo un, at gagawin ko un. Pero napalitan ng saya at nawaglit ang mga planong resignation ng malapit na ang napipintong ERR outing. Naganap, natapos at nilisan ang Tagaytay, bumalik sa dati ang lahat.

Isang linggo na din ang nakalipas ng ako at ang lupon ng errorista ay umakyat sa Tagaytay at Batangas. Pababa noon ng Caleruega ng pinatugtog ni Karen ang “kundiman.” Natuwa at na-LSS ako sa kanta at hanggang ngaun tumutugtog sya sa utak ko.

"In accordance to the prophecy"

Karen, Para kang asukal
Sintamis mong magmamahal

Misty, Para kang pintura
Buhay ko ikaw ang nagpinta

Art at Manong Aaron, Para kang unan
Pinapainit mo ang aking tyan

Ate Mafz, Para kang kumot
Na yumayakap sa tuwing ako’y nalulungkot

Kaya’t wag magtataka
Kung bakit ayaw kitang mawala

Si amo, si ate mafz, may kanya kanyang ibinigay sa amin nung gabi ng sabado, napaisip ako, I need something to offer them back, not because they have given me something but because I want to show them how much I appreciate the existence of ERR in my life. Nagkakainglishan na, kaya sisimulan ko na ang tunay kong pakay…

Rule #1 (Bawal kumain sa loob ng innova)

Sabado ng umaga umalis ako ng bahay ng may tuwa at excitement sa buhay… Yes!!! First official outing ng ERR, sa tuwa ko, naiwan ko ang mga bagay bagay… (Me and my not-so-reliable memory) Nag half day si Misty, Kulang sa tulog si Art, Lumuwas ule si ate Mafel at GY si Karen. Pumunta ako kela amo, dinaanan ang tropa sa Ortigas and off we go to The South!!! Hindi pa nakakalayo, naglabas si Karen ng crackers, nag react si amo..hahaha (remember rule no. 1) We had fun while on our way to Tagaytay, tamang sound trip and kulitan (hindi masungit si amo, ayos!)…

Fungus a.k.a Kabute

When we arrived at Tagaytay proper, we stopped and ate at Mushroom Burger, nanlibre si Ate Mafz!!! Habang umoorder ang mga magulang namin, naglaro muna ang mga bata. Ang saya maglaro sa playground (Thanks Art sa effort, nanghingi ka pa kay Karen ng tulong sa see-saw!!!) Sino ba nag-rice at may baon pang extra rice?? After eating our late breakfast (wala akong picture), we already headed to Caleruega.

Cheese palaman sa tasty… Riverboat…

Kung gaano kasungit ang panahon, sya ding lupit ng malubak na daan. Ika nga nila, there is no easy way out..hahaha Masaya pa din ang lahat, kahit malakas ang ulan, tumuloy kami sa Caleruega, at presto, maaraw sa aming destinasyon!!! (God loves wonderful people talaga) Nagsaya, nagpicturan (10shots kung 10shots), nagkulitan, nag asaran, at lumabas ang mga knock knock jokes (naubusan ako dun)… May mga sangang bumagsak, may mga batang nakapayong ng pang matanda. Salamat sa mabigat na tripod ni amo, kami ay magkakasama sa iisang litrato… eto na siguro ang pinaka masayang parte ng aming lakad… hindi na sana natapos….

SM Bonus feat. Caramel Sundae

Nag-grocery at nakilala namin ang latest endorser ng SM Bonus. Bigas, Mayo, Tubig name it SM Bonus have it (SM bonus ang sagot sa kahirapan). Ang mga bata ginawang playground ang savemore..hehehe Bumili ng orig na choc nut at bumili si amo ng lollies… (asan na kaya un ngaun??) Bumili ng must haves, nakalimutan ang tinapay at skyflakes, bumili ng alak, nakalimutan ang salt and pepper… naglista pa ko noh??? Nanlibre si amo ng caramel sundae, and guess what, we broke the first rule, pumayag sya kumain kami ng ice cream sa car nya… ^_^

Pineapple Hill (Rule #2, bawal mag usap ng tungkol sa work, NAKAMAMATAY!!!)

We arrived 1300hrs in Piña Colina Resort (sa wakas!!!) nag unload ng gamit sa aming mga studio rooms and nagbonding with matching gitara sa studio 1… ng hindi na nakatiis, nagluto ng late lunch, nag ihaw ang mga ihaw boys at nagpreview ng inuming pambata. Kulitan, kwentuhan, kantahan, kainan, at lumangoy, pinulikat sa malamig at mainsektong pool (habang si Karen ay tulog)… Masaya at maaliwalas na gabi, habang nakangiti ang mga bituin sa langit… Nag gitara, asaran, kumain ng cheesestick, inuman at nang sumakit ang mata, natulog ang lahat ng Masaya(sana).

Pahabol, buhay pa ang lahat ng errorista pagkatapos ng gabi…. nobody broke the 2nd rule…

Adobo rice + hotdogs

Kung gaano kakulimlim ang langit ganoon din ang mood ng lahat… Gumising akong ang lahat animo’y tulog pa. Nag ayos ng kaunti, nag emote sa porch, naglibot at pagbalik may frustrated na magbukas ng kalan. Kumain ng breakfast tumunganga, lumipat ng lugar, tumunganga ule… balik sa baba, nag sound trip at aming napag alaman mula sa isang reliable source na wala na si JET PANGAN!!!huhu Naligo, nag impake, nagtataka bakit tila ba lahat ay stunned… nakita nyo ba si BTM??

Umuwe, nagkanya kanya. Tanda nyo pa ba ang lahat?? Isang linggo pa lang ang nakakalipas.. Kay bilis ng oras pag masaya ka. Kay bilis ng oras pagkasama mo ang tropa. Tapos na ang lakad na isang buwan na pinlano. Ang excel file, ang mga PA, mga ala ala na lamang na kay sarap balikan. Balik tayo ng tagaytay. Langhapin natin ang hamog habang umiinom naman ng kape…

Kailangan ko na naman harapin ang katotohanan, kakausapin pa nga pala ako ng manager, tapos na ang ligaya, kailangan ko na ule mag isip… hinding hindi ako lalayo sa ERR, sa team na aming sinimulan. In accordance to the prophecy, ERRorista rocks!!!

Kung san nagkasiyahan at tumunganga ang mga ERRorista

Bahala na, ayaw ko muna magsalita
Hayaan na muna natin ang daloy ng tadhana…

Gusto kong sumigaw!!!

an impromptu note from my previous blog… a bursting angst from a hollering mind….

its actually hard to pretend that im happy when i really wanna do is cry and scream till it cut through my heart and stop its bleedin… its so hard to see your family falling into pieces in front of you and you can do nothing for maybe staying silent and pretending to be numb is the best thing to do… first i lost my grandfather through a heart attack, after that i thought our family can manage to be whole again. i tried to stand and be strong for my grandmother…well i just did, i didnt even cried infront of her didnt even show signs of hurt. i thought it was the biggest burden that i need to face as diz year will end but im wrong… my parents just separated,,, my father stayed at my grandma’s house while i moved out with my mother… bottles of alcoholic stole my father and some other guy stole my moms heart… i just dont know what to feel and react… should i speak my silence or just watch our home fall into pieces… i dont know how to patch things up anymore… i feel so lonely and empty… i want to continue my life but i dont know how… where should i stand and start??? now i dont know where is the noisy and opinionated girl behind me, as if somebody just slapped me to stop talking and voicing out my mind… right now, i just want to scream and hate the world…