Goodbye

I’m alive but I’m losing all my drive
Cause everything we’ve been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

-Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade-

It’s funny or should I say, comical… it has been years, years of absence in my life… I’ve survived almost my life without you; I can still live my life without you…

I can’t even remember a single trace of you in my life. How did I met you, what are the things that we have conversed way back then, to top it all, I can’t remember you.

I was not asking, it just happened, it’s like you’ve known me all my life, you seem to keep in mind everything, I was so fascinated of your memory that is the time you enthusiast me to know you more… to know you better…

We started calling each other again, patching things up, as what they say “just like the old times”. The clock was counting in seconds, minutes, even hours, we’re still chatting in the phone, and I was not aware of the time. We’ve been talking too much about me, how about you? What interests you? Your wants, your dos and don’ts, and you…

I’m starting to appreciate your existence. You’re starting to become special. I’m starting to think about you. Am I starting to like you? What I’m sure of… you’re completing my day… that you are putting a smile to my face.

And now you’re starting to tell your stories, I’m beginning to know you. You start to let me know about her, about the girl you like, the girl who completes you. And you are now making me think… making me ill… making me sick…

I saw you, you saw me… we’re together but it seems you’re far away, you’re thoughts is with her… I’m not okay, but I’ll be… one day…

You’re starting to notify me I was kind of infuriating you with my long phone calls. I didn’t mean to aggravate you with my child-like ways… I’m sorry… I won’t hitch you anymore with my nonsense and petty talks… I just want you to know you’re special…

Loneliness starts to know me by name and you are starting to be there to talk with me again… You’re saying you’re sorry… that you didn’t mean to… and giving me again too much of your time… and making me smile again…

Are you doing this because you know how I feel towards you? Or you wanted to do this because you do really care and you give a damn on what I’m going through? I guess none of them is you’re reason… and I won’t know because you’re not giving any answers to my questions…

Now you’re bipolar acts really makes me unwell. At times, you’re doing sweet nothings, at times, you’re trying to push me away… I wanted to understand you, but I just can’t… Patience is never been one of my virtues… This condition makes me vulnerable…

Is bidding goodbye the only resort left? For you and I can both go back to the life we worn to live? If that’s the right most remedy, and so be it… I’m going to leave the things I used to do with you… I’ll abscond from all the nice and sweet things you’ve told me… it will be remembered but will never be cherished…

I’ll learn to depart from my feelings in able to be your strongest confidant… until then… Goodbye…

It’s a shame that it had to be this way
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
Maybe I’m to blame
Or maybe were the same
But either way I can’t breathe
Either way I can’t breathe

All I had to say is goodbye…